7 Reasons Why Pastors Need Counseling, Too

1. Pastors can feel isolated.

Pastors often don’t have someone to talk with, especially about personal matters. Despite having their spouse, and befriending members of the church or elder board, numerous pastors still lack a trusted confidant in life. Shockingly, statistics reflect this trend. According to the Barna Group, only 18% of pastors report having a close friend to provide them with emotional and spiritual care.

Sometimes, they need someone to talk to about their marriage or family. Sometimes they are wrestling through a theological or ethical dilemma. Or maybe they don’t quite understand how to process their own emotions.

Counseling is a great place for them to find this outlet. It can be difficult for pastors to find a trustworthy and empathetic listener within their congregation, without the fear that their conversation might be mishandled or shared with others. This is where counseling can provide a wonderful outlet for pastors.

2. Pastors can experience burnout and depression.

The expectation of being a pastor is that you ‘have it all together’, often leading pastors to feel like they must maintain an unrealistic level of performance in order to keep the job. The high demands of ministry can often lead to burnout and even depression, which is why seeking counseling is so important.

Moreover, pastors are often in the unique position of being able to instill a sense of hope in their congregation by preaching on topics such as God’s faithfulness and grace — while at the same time struggling with feelings of guilt, doubt, and insecurity. It leads to a deadening disconnect between their public persona and the struggles they endure in private. Counseling can provide a better balance between these two worlds, helping them acknowledge and cope with their own struggles while at the same time providing a strong foundation for their ministry.

3. Pastors don't have all the answers.

Believe it or not, pastors don’t have all the answers. Pastors also need and desire input and wisdom, specifically in personal matters. They carry a lot of burden in being the voice of wisdom for many other people. But they too enjoy listening and learning from others. Pastors are going through life like the rest of us, navigating ups and downs, parenting challenges, co-worker dynamics and more. Counseling can also provide a unique place for a pastor to receive the same assistance that the general public receives for their own personal lives.

Sometimes pastors need to make tough decisions, both within the church and in their personal lives. Having another person who is impartial and removed from the situation can be beneficial in providing sound advice and perspective. The Bible says in Proverbs 11:14 that there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors.

Pastors don’t always have an objective person to talk with. Family members are too close, staff members may be afraid of offending their pastor, and laypeople can often be biased in one direction or another. This is why counseling can provide pastors with a trusted collaborator to help guide their thinking and process the challenges they are facing.

Counseling also provides pastors with an opportunity to have someone who is not afraid to push back, shepherd them through difficult conversations, and challenge any underlying assumptions that may be keeping them stuck in old patterns of thought. This can be invaluable as many pastors tend to get stuck in their own head when faced with a difficult problem.

4. Counseling helps keep some burdens off pastor's shoulders.

The majority of pastors lead congregations that are relatively small, typically 75-100 people. Not only do they preach and give spiritual guidance in their sermons, but they also act as a shepherd and counselor to each member. This involves visiting members' homes for prayer sessions and officiating marriage ceremonies or funerals. While these devoted church leaders invest so much into the lives of their congregation, who is helping them carry their heavy burdens?

A counselor can be a fundamental part of any pastor's support system. Having someone to rely on, in addition to their spouse and close friends, is key for pastors who need extra assistance with the weight they carry in life. With such trustworthy help at hand, pastors are able to offload some of that burden and continue to be successful spiritual leaders.

5. Counseling helps pastors stay fresh, ready and active to continue their job, now and for the long term.

In this marathon of life, we all could use some help now and then. Even pastors who are running their race with excellence need support to stay energized and wise enough to continue on the path they were meant for. Counseling is one way that people can receive such aid in order to make it through another mile of life's journey. Those providing counseling have an important job - being a source of encouragement so those needing it will not tire out before reaching the finish line.

With the latest statistic from Barna that 42% of pastors are seriously considering quitting ministry altogether, counseling may be vital in helping pastors stay fresh, ready and active to continue their job. By providing input, feedback, and unbiased thinking, counselors can help pastors gain insight into the struggles they face on a daily basis.

6. Counseling can help prevent a pastor from trouble down the road.

Pastors are not perfect. Even though they are held to great responsibilities and high standards. You don't have to read far into the Biblical narrative to see where the leaders of the people of God certainly experienced troubles of their own. Whether they are dealing with the struggles of their own personal lives or in troubles within the church, pastors need help - preventative help.

Counseling is a great place to help a pastor anticipate if something small could turn into something big and concerning. If you have ever seen a faucet with a small leak, if not attended to quickly it can turn into a big problem. Counseling helps pastors with this - ensuring that the small issues get addressed before turning into something bigger.

Counseling can act as a source of accountability, where the pastor allows someone into their personal struggles or sins and helps speak into it. Counseling can be used in all stages of life, such as recovery and maintenance. But the prevention ability of counseling can go a long way in helping a pastor be proactive in ensuring a small concern is addressed earlier rather than later.

7. Counseling for the pastor will benefit the church.

If the pastor is thriving, the church will thrive as well. Being a minister of the gospel is an enormous task, full of pressure and scrutiny. At times it can be very isolating and lonely. If a pastor is struggling, then their church family can suffer as well with decreased growth.

With the common aspiration for vibrant church congregations, is it not our collective responsibility as members of a congregation to ensure that our pastor maintains excellent physical and mental health? After all, perfection isn't what we're striving for - what's most important here is fostering healthy communities.

In Hebrews, 13:17, it speaks of a church leader’s work as a “joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.” Healthy churches need healthy leaders. Regular and ongoing access to counseling can be one of the best resources a pastor can receive to maintain their own well-being. This can benefit not only themselves and their family, but also the church members themselves. 

Some cautions for our pastoral friends.

Let it be known that we care about you, which is why we will be honest here. While we are strong advocates for pastors seeking counseling for all the reasons listed above, we want the following to be taken into account:

First, find counseling that is Biblically-based. While we know some will seek out insight from a different lens, we've also seen where counseling outside of the counsel of God has led to a pastor making decisions that were not in line with the will of God, which ultimately had a negative impact on the church. There are phenomenal therapists within the body of Christ that offer counseling which is God-honoring.

Second, beware of short-term fixes that are not digging deep. While it may be tempting to go for a quick fix, this doesn't often work and can often lead to bigger issues down the road. Instead, look for counseling that is open and honest about the problems you are facing - this will require being vulnerable with your counselor, but should ultimately help in the long run. Going to a few counseling sessions to "check the box" and say you went is not recommended.

Third, counseling should not be a substitute for rest or retreat. Nor should it be used as a way to avoid the struggles of pastoral ministry by seeking someone else’s “answers.” Rather, counseling can provide pastors with the tools and knowledge they need to continue their work in an effective way, now and for the long term.

Fourth, counseling is not an excuse to cut everyone else out of your life. If the only place you are honest is with your counselor, then it is not likely that you are going to get the best help possible. Connecting with trusted friends and other sources of wisdom can bring a different perspective and more insight than counseling alone. Don't exclude your spouse and close friendships from processing issues.

Finally, counseling is not a sign of weakness or failure. On the contrary, it can be seen as an act of courage and strength in taking action to recognize a need for growth and improvement. Help the people in your congregation by removing the stigma of counseling, and speaking confidently and openly about the positives of seeking help. Don't feel ashamed for seeking help - you are doing something to benefit your health and well-being, as well as that of those you serve.

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In summary, the goal of counseling for pastors should not be to just “fix” what is wrong, but rather to strengthen them in their callings and help them prioritize their health in every aspect of their lives. Counseling can increase a pastor's effectiveness and productivity, as well as provide support during difficult times. But most importantly, it can promote strong, healthy church cultures that are built on resilience and grace. And that is something worth striving for.

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Article previously appeared on Ministry Transitions.

About the Author

Noe Rivera
Chief Counseling Officer

Noe Rivera has been in the people business for over 20 years, serving the church body through his work in ministry, missions, and the marketplace. He served as a short-term missionary leader to more than 20 countries and became the co-founder of a long-term missionary base in Guatemala. In his current work as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Noe continues to serve the church by providing therapy for pastors, ministry leaders, and their families. 

Along with his missionary and therapy work, Noe grew up as a worship pastor’s kid who served across many different denominations where he intimately experienced the ins and outs of churches, leadership dynamics, and the impact of both helpful and hurtful pastoral transitions. Having experienced his own hurt, and seeing it in his family, he is passionate about seeing healthy pastoral transitions happen for as many pastors and their families as possible. 

Why Church Hurt Victims Are Afraid to Talk

Image from Mary DeMuth Substack.

So I’m writing a book.

About all this messy church pain (and how to heal).

Currently, I’m writing a chapter about the importance of mourning.

What prevents us from mourning? What makes us not talk about what happened to us?

There are lots of reasons. Here are five.

One. We are afraid we’re gossiping.

In my research I read an excellent article by CT about our flawed thinking of gossip. (Please read it!) To be sure, gossip (in its actual sense) brings harm. But we’ve lost a nuanced and precise definition of gossip. We’ve conflated it to mean any time we talk about something, and if our speech is negative, then we’re guilty.

But what happens when we are simply trying to figure out if the place we were attending is abusive or spiritually harmful? If you’re in a closed system with staunch no-gossip policies, where do you go to try to discern what is happening? That’s why so many stay in abusive ministries. They can’t talk about it, so they can’t confirm their own suspicions.

To seek clarification and understanding is not gossip. When Patrick and I struggled in our last church, we did speak to people in the organization for clarification. He was invited to talk to a senior leader about our issues. Unfortunately, those meetings merited no change, and eventually we left. Before we vacated, though, we did consult with people outside of the ministry. We needed an outside perspective. Was it gossip to do so? No, our underlying reason for talking was to seek truth.

Aside: Using Matthew 18 against congregants is unfair and does not take into account the power systems in a sick church. Matthew 18 is for individual issues, not for systemic abuse.

Two. We have been trained in a culture of fear.

I watched just a few minutes of The Handmaid’s Tale yesterday. I couldn’t stomach it, to be honest, but I had turned it on out of curiosity as I’m researching cultic systems. The one thing that stood out to me in episode one was how the system turned every one of the women into informants. No matter where you were, you could be spied upon and turned in.

In a church system that operates a culture of fear, it can be a similar type of environment. You live in fear of speaking out because somehow someone will find out, and you will get in trouble. So you stay silent. You don’t know who to trust.

That silence exists even after you’ve left the system. You’ve been so trained to never say anything negative, that when you do, you get sick to your stomach. Fear comes in. And you continue to distrust even the safest of people. It’s hard to mourn honestly when you’re afraid of everyone.

Three. We think our pain is less than another’s.

Trauma comparison is not fruitful. We look at other people whose church pain is worse than ours and we reason, Well, I don’t deserve to mourn because what I went through is small compared to _________’s pain. Listen to me: if you were hurt in an abusive church or ministry situation, it’s imperative that you mourn that pain. It doesn’t matter if someone else’s hurt looms larger than yours. The truth is: you were hurt, and you need to work through that hurt.

Four. We blame ourselves for being in the situation in the first place.

When we “wake up” (to use cult-leaving language), we suddenly see everything differently. And we realize we were a cog in the machine of an abusive system. This is completely overwhelming to realize. We were part of the problem. We may have harmed others. The shame involved in that may prevent us from naming our pain and feeling like we deserve to heal.

Shame is a terrible motivator for healing. Instead of shaming yourself, ask God for forgiveness in any negative role you played, then ask him to search your heart. Be open to him revealing people you’ll need to apologize to. Then apologize.

Give yourself grace. Abusive systems are really good at keeping people deluded. It’s humbling to realize you’ve been duped, but in that realization is a beautiful opportunity for growth. See your time in the situation as a cautionary tale. Learn from what you walked through. Determine to exercise grace with those you lead. Apologize freely. Live humbly, knowing your own susceptibility to coercive control. (We have all fallen prey.)

Five. NDAs.

Many don’t mourn because they can’t talk about their experience. An abusive church or ministry system has fired them, then tied their livelihood to signing a nondisclosure agreement. This essentially stymies talking through what happened to them. To heal we must talk. How insidious that the institution who wreaked such havoc then pulls the rug out from healing by forcing an NDA. It’s evil. And it needs to stop.

In this case, it’s imperative that you find a group of safe friends outside the abusive church/ministry to process your pain with. You cannot heal in isolation. You cannot heal without telling your story.

I’m indebted to the Apostle Paul in working through my own church grief. May these words teach and encourage you:

“Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” (Ephesians 4:14-15).

In those abusive systems, leaders tricked us with “lies so clever they sound like the truth.” How are we to learn from what we walked through? We speak the truth. We tell it in love. That is NOT gossip. We heal in safe community. The more we process our pain with good, honest friends, the more we will become like Jesus. And the more we’ll be able to expose nefarious ministries who harm the flock.

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Article previously appeared on Mary DeMuth Substack, September 16, 2025.

About the Author: Mary DeMuth

Mary DeMuth is a literary agent, daily podcaster at PrayEveryDay.show, artist, speaker, and the author of 52 books. She lives in Texas with her husband and is the mom to three adult children. Find out more at marydemuth.com.

Your Timeline in an Abusive Ministry

Image from Mary DeMuth Substack

As I mentioned last week, I’m writing a book about church hurt and how to heal from it. In one of the chapters, I detailed the timeline of how many experience an abusive ministry. This is not scientific—it’s based on my experience and the experience of those I’ve talked to.

It’s no wonder I gravitate toward cult research. There are some stark similarities between cults and abusive Christian systems. Consider these similarities:

Cults usually have a charismatic leader at the forefront (think David Koresh, Charles Manson, Jim Jones).

• Cults woo people in through love bombing. They typically target people going through a crisis (whether external or internal), then they overwhelm them with kindness and ego boosting. We see this, also, in abusive spouses, where they begin with amazing amounts of intimacy and kindness, only to morph into high control and abusive speech and actions.

• Cults require unwavering loyalty of their followers. No dissent is allowed. Disagreement or even measured dialog is met with discipline, shame, and sometimes excommunication.

• Cults isolate you from your loved ones. They require you cut off contact with your family.

• Cults typically have a message like: we are the ONLY ones doing life the right way. In a Christian context, this can mean “We are the only ones really following Jesus. All others are apostate.”

• Cults control the message, and that message comes primarily through the guru-like leader.

• Cults force members to participate in activities that are degrading. In NXIVM, for example, women branded each other and forced each member to submit embarrassing pictures as collateral. The brand and these pictures were then used as blackmail.

• Cults use fear, guilt, and shame to keep their members in line.

• Cults exploit their members financially, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

• Cults use fear and manipulation to keep people in line.

• Cults use gaslighting to distort the reality of followers with doubts. If a follower bring up a legitimate issue, a cult leader or leaders will turn the blame around. It is the follower who is to blame.

• Cults have extreme rules of righteousness, though their leaders tend to live wild lives. (Think of NXIVM’s leader Keith Raniere who required his followers to be celibate, and called himself a monk, yet was abusing dozens of women.

• Cults negate personality. You meld into the system, and lose your individuality.

• Cults actively indoctrinate their members through repetition and a merit based system (a way to gain favor by obeying the rules and statutes).

• Cults exercise an excessive level of coercive control over the personal lives of their members.

• Cults place excessive demands on their followers, often requiring money, time, and energy—without compensation in return. We see this in Scientology, where members spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for courses that are never enough. There’s always another level of commitment.

It’s important to say that not all abusive churches are cults. But some share traits with cultic entities. What does it look like when a typical member realizes the situation they’re in is abusive? Again, this is not scientific—it’s based on observation.

1. The all is sweetness and light stage (the initial stage of being a part of an abusive organization) where everything is amazing and dynamic (what worship! what teaching!), and you are constantly wooed and loved.

2. The lulling stage when you give up your ability to independently think in lieu of believing everything the leader says is the truth. In cults, this involves slow and steady brainwashing. To be fair, it’s very hard to detect in a church setting.

3. The in-and-out stage where a leader or group of leaders clearly defines who is in the inner circle and who is simply a pawn or lowlife. If you make it into the inner circle, there are rules to follow in order to maintain your status—and that involves unwavering loyalty as well as disdain for anyone anywhere who dissents.

4. The shaming stage where leaders chastise anyone who deviates from the system—even publicly from the stage. This scares anyone from speaking out or having their own voice because they know what will happen if they do.

5. The slow realization stage when you begin to see that something is not quite right, but experience a huge amount of dread, sleepless nights, and fear. (Be sure to trust your body in this stage. It will tell you something is wrong even before you allow yourself to think about your situation). You learn that if you speak up, you will lose everything, including many of your significant relationships, and you’ll be seen as divisive.

6. The last bit of hope stage where you believe that perhaps things aren’t so bad, and you desire to see everything resolved. You constantly question your reality. You wonder if you’re the problem. You repent all the time for doubting. You believe the blowback you’ve received from leaders. You reason that you’re probably wrong in your assessment of the situation. Better to keep your head down. After all, isn’t God moving in this church, this ministry? Who are you to question? Don’t they know better?

7. The straw breaking stage where you realize all your whistle blowing and trying to raise issues has backfired, you’ve been labeled a naysayer, and you cannot in good conscience continue in that place.

8. The leaving stage where you receive the full brunt of the toxic system’s anger. You are now an outsider who is an evil pawn intent to destroy the institution. You are in cahoots with Satan, and you’ve lost your community. There is a heavy weight of grief that nearly overpowers you.

9. The moral injury stage where your deep insecurity surfaces and you feel the horror that you were a part of this organization, and that you played a role in the machine that hurt others.

10. The broken but free stage where you are blessedly free from the system, but you will never be the same. You have lost relationships and a place to belong, and you are seen as a pariah.

I’d love to know if you have any stage to add. I’m sure I’ve missed something. But I know Patrick and I went through a similar process.

If you’re reading this and nodding your head, I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you. This is not how a church or ministry should operate. I’m reminded of Jesus’ powerful words: “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). In these abusive religious systems, the opposite is happening. Leaders are demanding to be served. They are asking a ransom from their followers, and they’ve forgotten how to serve the broken.

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Article previously appeared on Mary DeMuth Substack, September 23, 2025.

About the Author: Mary DeMuth

Mary DeMuth is a literary agent, daily podcaster at PrayEveryDay.show, artist, speaker, and the author of 52 books. She lives in Texas with her husband and is the mom to three adult children. Find out more at marydemuth.com.

Untangling The Fourth Strand: An Ex-Pastor’s Wife’s Perspective

To clarify. I am not an ex-wife. My husband and I are still married. It’s just church ministry, which is no longer part of our marriage.

A strange thing happens in marriage and in ministry. You’ve heard “a cord of three strands is not easily broken?” This verse is often quoted at weddings. We use it as a symbol of the connectedness and strength that comes from the union of God and a man and a woman.

Well, if your spouse is “in ministry,” chances are there is also a fourth strand in your marriage. It’s the ministry strand.

It should be clearly defined as its own, separate strand, but instead, what happens is it intermingles with other strands, and soon it’s a little difficult to distinguish it as its own separate thing. It sort of weaves its way into all areas of life.

• Home life.

• Family time.

• Parenting.

• Date nights.

• Identity.

• Self-worth.

Before you know it, it’s everywhere.

Some people may be aware that this ministry strand exists. But others don’t realize it’s there - and don’t realize how it connects and holds other parts of life together (or strangles them out) until it is removed.

The strand itself is not a bad thing. But what we noticed in our own experience and in walking with other families coming out of ministry is that most pastors/families struggle to keep that thread distinct from others in a healthy way.

Whether a pastor is coming out of ministry because he/she is retiring, a mistake was made, or the position is not a good fit for him/her as an individual - it’s gonna tug on that thread. And it’s probably going to be painful.

For the pastor, having that thread severed may reveal that it is directly connected to his feelings about himself as a man.

• His identity.

• His worth.

• His value.

• His purpose.

• Even his standing as a child of God.

It has the potential to knock him off his feet entirely, and when this happens, the entire family is affected.

In our case, my husband’s exit from the church changed everything.

• Our social circle.

• Our church community.

• Our support system.

• Our kid’s schooling.

• Our finances.

This was on top of a major marital wound.

We were unraveling.

So we went into triage mode. We sought out the therapy we needed. We figured out who could walk with us through this, and who couldn’t - or just wouldn’t.

My husband sought professional career counseling. He had never had a job outside of ministry! What was he going to do now?! He learned how to put a resume together and got on LinkedIn for the first time.

We were figuring all this out in the middle of trying to deal with major trauma.

It was awful. I do not wish it on anyone.

What Pastoral Transitions offers to outgoing pastors (whatever the reason) is guidance and support. What a tremendous amount of stress would have been lifted off our family’s shoulders if someone had been right there to guide our next steps.

What Pastoral Transitions offers the Church and elders is wisdom, third party perspective, and communication strategy to help the transition for both the church and outgoing pastor.

I wonder if the collateral damage would have been less, if we had someone who was there to help both parties part well, or at least with greater integrity, wisdom, and peace.

I realize that not all pastors leaving a church are leaving under the same circumstances as we did, but no matter what the reason - leaving ministry has challenges.

That fourth strand can feel like a ripcord when it is loosed, and it’s not only the pastor plummeting towards the ground, he’s also got his family with him.

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Are you in ministry and feeling the tug of that fourth strand? Are you a couple in ministry who connects with every part of this blog post and need a good next step? Pastoral Transitions help leadership teams navigate ministry transitions with grace. We have a heart for the church, and a heart for families transitioning out of ministry. Let’s talk!

HELP FOR MINISTRY FAMILIES

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Article previously appeared on Ministry Transitions.

About the Author: Marilee Davis

Marilee Davis is the wife of Matt Davis, a pastor for over 20 years. Through her experience of living in the fishbowl of the church, Marilee has come to understand the unique pressures, trials and challenges that come with being a pastor's wife. She has a heart for those transitioning out of ministry; for pastors, their spouses, and their children – which is why she cares deeply about Pastoral Transitions – the organization started by her husband that provides resources, encouragement and support to those making such transitions.

When not busy being mom to their three teenagers, Marilee loves spending time at her barn in Lexington, Kentucky caring for and riding horses on beautiful trails. As someone who understands transitional life phases firsthand, Marilee is passionate about helping others through these difficult times and believes everyone should have support as they take steps towards whatever is their next season.

10 Questions To Ask: How Counseling Can Help Pastors

Why should a pastor ask themselves if they’d benefit from counseling? Because pastors need help too. Truly!

So why do we think pastors don’t need counseling? Because pastors are still assumed to have it all together or have all the answers. We tend to think about pastors, “Heck, they preach about it every Sunday, so I’m sure they’re living that way, right?”

Even by those closest to them, pastors oftentimes go unnoticed and unhelped. The truth is, pastors need of help, just like every other human being. Even though they preach and lead others spiritually, it does not make them immune from the trials of life, and from needing their own community of people and support that helps them live out their own words they preach and teach.

In fact, if you ask many pastors, they will say that being a pastor is extra lonely, extra isolating, and that they often feel even less able to reach out for help out of fears of church members finding out and gossip starting or their church work being negatively impacted.

Therefore, many pastors go unhelped.

Here are 10 questions a pastor can ask themselves if they would benefit from counseling.

1. Am I noticing anything unusual about my mood, thoughts, feelings, behaviors?

We all have moments or days where we’re in a bad mood, or we get irritable. That’s normal. But unusual behaviors or feelings are when they are out of character for ourselves, or others would say it’s unusual for us.

With depression or anxiety, these could be thoughts like, “I’m a failure. It’s never enough. Why am I like this! Nobody cares. I can’t overcome it. I’m too weak.”

Feelings like: sadness, dread, fear, panic, regret, loneliness.

Behaviors like: aggression, retaliation, self-harm, stuck in bed, isolating.

You can also use helpful questionnaires to assess your current state, such as the Beck Anxiety or Depression Inventory, CRAFFT, or the pediatric symptom checklist.

If you have changes in these areas, now could be a great time to see a counselor.

2. Why can’t I seem to shake these feelings?

Times of sadness or worry happen to all of us in waves throughout our lives. But when we’re down or anxious about something for more than a few days or weeks, it typically needs more attention if it won’t go away.

For example, one criteria to be diagnosed with depression is to have two weeks, where most days you are feeling down or have low motivation for more days than not. If you’re noticing, or those around you are noticing, that your low mood won’t go away, even after a round of golf, visiting the grandkids, or watching a funny movie, then you might need to talk to a counselor to assess if something more is going on. 

3. Are any areas of my life suffering?

A universal way to measure the need for help, and specifically mental health, is to look at the different areas of your life (work, school, relationships, hygiene, sleep, finances, spiritual, hobbies), and ask yourself if any area is suffering.

This goes especially for pastors.

Pastors sometimes can be great caretakers of others, but neglect their own friendships, gain excess weight, or have trouble sleeping. These life areas difficulties could point to a mental health concern that needs to be addressed.

A simple way to answer this question is to grade your life areas A through F. If you have any low grades, that could signal something more or deeper is going on, impairing your mood, thoughts or behaviors in a life area. This would be a great time to chat with a counselor. 

4. How would those closest to me say I’m acting or how my mood is?

What others say or hint at can be very telling, that we could benefit from getting some help.  Maybe someone around you has said something like, “You’ve been extra moody lately,” or, “Why are you so angry now?”

You can also ask yourself some questions, such as:

• Have I become more sad recently?

• Why do I feel more anxious than normal?

• Why am I crying more?

If the answer is yes to having a change in mood, thoughts or behaviors, then you might benefit from talking to a counselor to help figure out what is going on and what to do.

5. Did a big life event recently happen, or a memory of one?

We might not recognize that a life change or event is having a negative impact on us. Sometimes it is obvious to ourselves and those around us. But sometimes it’s not. This is where a counselor could help you determine if your mental health is affected by this event or memory of an event.

Examples would be moving homes, children graduating, health issues, marital difficulty, loss of friendship, a birth or death. For pastors, this could include a cut in income, loss of church members, change in role or responsibilities. A life event or change is often a good time to chat with a counselor who can help you navigate that well. 

6. Is my personal relationship with God lacking, suffering, or dying?

Yes, even pastors can have difficulties in their relationship with God. And it may surprise you to know that this could be even more true of pastors than the rest of the people who go to church. There are blurred lines between being a pastor and being a Christian. Therefore, sometimes pastors will neglect their personal relationship and walk with the Lord, because there is so much emphasis on having to do for the congregation. This can cause immense guilt or shame in pastors if they feel they aren’t doing enough.

This could be a great time to get help and see if it is negatively impacting you in any way.

Especially for pastors, where spirituality is a large part of their profession and day-to-day world, when there is a crisis of faith, small or large, having someone to talk with could prove beneficial.

Also, talking to a counselor could be a great way to ensure confidentiality, as some pastors might prefer not to share details of their personal faith challenges with church members. A professional counselor or therapist is bound by confidentiality by their license, with only a few limits to that confidentiality. 

7. Am I complaining more, unhappy, stuck, and can’t seem to make progress?

Being ‘stuck’ is often one of the most consistent complaints a counselor will hear from a prospective client. Stuck in their marriage, career, life satisfaction, with children, or with a behavior.

Pastors are also not immune to this struggle. Sometimes taking time to identify what is causing you to be stuck, the impact it’s having, and tools to correct or improve your situation is all you need. The simple act of ‘talking’ is the most widely used tool by counselors. It allows the client to talk it out, bring the buried to the surface, bring the subconscious to the conscious, and use that gained insight to get unstuck. 

8. Am I dreading someone or something? 

Relationship difficulties are one of the biggest struggles in life, including for pastors. They’re not immune to struggles in relationships. In fact, they manage many relationships, depending on the size of their church. And relationship struggles lead many people into times of benefiting from talking with a counselor.

When we are dreading or avoiding something, it often leads to other negative symptoms, such as increased anxiety, addictions, anger, or hiding and isolating. That thing we’re avoiding could have a bigger impact than necessary. 

9. Am I ashamed to get help, embarrassed, or worried my church members will find out? 

It’s understandable to feel embarrassed or ashamed about seeking help. After all, it goes against our pride, and many people don’t want to be seen as ‘weak’. However, there is great strength in being vulnerable when needed, and also taking the initiative to look after one’s mental wellbeing.

If you find yourself in this place, even a little bit, then this could be a sign that it’s something your heart needs or longs for. It’s hard to ask for help, especially when you’re a public figure like a pastor. And especially when it’s for sensitive personal topics.

But instead of this embarrassment or shame causing you to further hide, ignore, or brush off, it could be a life-changing decision to open yourself to another person where they see beyond the shame or worry.

Others might not be ready to see you as a pastor in counseling. But don’t let that stop you from going. Your life is worth it. 

10. If someone would be willing to truly listen, does that interest me?

Pastors do a lot of talking and listening with others. But who listens to them? And do they have genuine listeners where they are truly open and feeling heard? Pastors might have a close spouse, good friends, or a few board members they share with, but oftentimes it’s hard to be open for different reasons.

This is where a counselor could be of great service to a pastor. Pastors need to know they have a safe and neutral person they can go to when they need to sort things out. If this is you, talking to a counselor could be the jump start you need to get back on track.

If you have a hunch, most counselors will provide a free 15-minute consultation to help you explore if talking with a counselor could benefit you. 

It's OK to prioritize you.

Ultimately, pastors have to make the decision for themselves as to whether or not counseling is right for them. However, if you find yourself struggling with any of these issues, it might be worth considering talking to a counselor who can provide an objective and confidential space to work through your problems.

Counseling can help people gain insight into their own behavior and develop healthy coping skills they can use throughout life's journey. With the right guidance and support, you may begin feeling more empowered on your path towards growth and healing. Don't hesitate – take charge of your wellbeing today!

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Article previously appeared on Ministry Transitions.

About the Author:

Noe Rivera
Chief Counseling Officer

Noe Rivera has been in the people business for over 20 years, serving the church body through his work in ministry, missions, and the marketplace. He served as a short-term missionary leader to more than 20 countries and became the co-founder of a long-term missionary base in Guatemala. In his current work as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Noe continues to serve the church by providing therapy for pastors, ministry leaders, and their families.

Along with his missionary and therapy work, Noe grew up as a worship pastor’s kid who served across many different denominations where he intimately experienced the ins and outs of churches, leadership dynamics, and the impact of both helpful and hurtful pastoral transitions. Having experienced his own hurt, and seeing it in his family, he is passionate about seeing healthy pastoral transitions happen for as many pastors and their families as possible.

Life After Leaving Ministry

A pastor’s life is often perceived as one of unwavering faith, spiritual fulfillment, and a powerful sense of community. However, the story beneath this hallowed surface often portrays a vastly different reality.

Recently, Barna Group published an article shedding light on the insurmountable pressures and isolation that many pastors grapple with behind the scenes. This is the reality for many spiritual leaders: the paradox of feeling loneliness within the community they serve. Barna highlights the acute struggle of those leading our congregations. In their startling revelation, they indicate that 'nearly 40% of pastors have considered quitting their job in the past three months.' This sobering statistic underscores the deep-seated troubles simmering beneath the surface of pastoral ministry.

But what happens to these spiritual leaders once they make the leap and transition away from their pastoral roles?

Often, the end of pastoral loneliness marks the start of a new phase of isolation, an untold story that happens outside the confines of the church walls.

This post aims to highlight the challenges and trials that pastors and their families face post-ministry, exploring the often-untold chapter that begins when a pastor steps down from their role.

Unpacking the Trauma

The first storm that hits outgoing ministry leaders is a flurry of emotional, spiritual, and relational traumas. Leaving the pulpit is not just about stepping down from a job—it's a radical shift in a person's identity, community, and spiritual life. It's akin to a significant loss, and grief naturally accompanies it.

This trauma, both acute and chronic, could manifest in various ways, such as depression, anxiety, self-doubt, loss of faith, or feeling disconnected. The pastor's family members, who are often deeply intertwined in the church community, also share in this trauma.

The Loneliness Continues

Pastoral work is, in essence, about fostering connections and nurturing relationships, but many pastors grapple with a paradoxical loneliness. As Barna’s research aptly captures, 'pastors are struggling with relational disconnect in their congregations.'

This relational disconnect continues, and perhaps even amplifies, in the period following departure from the ministry. The period following the departure from the ministry can be equally, if not more, isolating. Pastors and their families often find themselves suddenly severed from the community that had been their world, their support system. The relationships built within the church may fray or dissolve entirely, leaving a void that is difficult to fill. This relational and spiritual support, once taken for granted, becomes a glaring absence in their lives.

The Search for Employment

According to the data, the average pastor takes a year to find a new job. This transition is rarely straightforward. Many pastors struggle to find suitable roles that utilize their skills and experience, frequently resulting in a career switch. It's a daunting task to re-enter the job market after years, sometimes decades, spent in ministry. And for many, it's a journey made in the shadow of financial pressures and the ticking clock.

The Unemployment Benefits Dilemma

A reality that often blindsides outgoing pastors is the lack of unemployment benefits. A surprising number of pastors and church leaders are unaware of this fact until they find themselves in need of these benefits. This lack of a financial safety net only amplifies the pressure of finding a new job and making ends meet during the transition period.

Financial Hardship and Relocation

The lack of unemployment benefits often plunges pastors and their families into financial hardship. The financial security provided by the church, including housing in many cases, disappears overnight. Many are forced to downsize or relocate entirely, adding further stress to an already tumultuous time.

Spiritual Deconstruction

The spiritual fallout of leaving the ministry can be profound. Pastors can find themselves grappling with spiritual deconstruction, questioning and reevaluating their faith and beliefs. This process can be deeply unsettling, causing a crisis of faith for some. The spiritual turmoil that ensues not only impacts the pastors and their families, but also reverberates through their future ministry endeavors.

From Transition to Transformation

Leaving the ministry is a profound transition, filled with challenges that extend far beyond the departure from the pulpit. It is a season of deep introspection, reevaluation, and often, transformation. In the aftermath of their departure, pastors must find a way to rebuild their lives—financially, relationally, and spiritually—outside the church walls.

As we shine a light on these trials, we seek to prompt a conversation within the church community and beyond. By understanding these challenges, we can provide better support systems for our pastors—both those currently serving and those who have moved on.

May we remember that the shepherd also needs a flock, that pastors too need pastoring, and that in acknowledging their struggles, we can help alleviate their burdens. As a community, it is our collective responsibility to ensure that our spiritual leaders do not merely survive their transitions, but thrive in their new seasons of life.

If you are in vocational ministry and looking for what’s next, let’s talk and think through what your next season might look like. Pastoral Transitions is here to support you every step of the way. Reach out to us, explore our resources, and let us help you make your pastoral transition a transformative and fulfilling experience.

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Article previously appeared on Ministry Transitions.

About the Author: Matt Davis

Matt Davis served as a Teaching and Executive Pastor for more than two decades in Orange County, California. After going through his own pastoral transition out of ministry, Matt learned the difficulty of this season. He helped start Pastoral Transitions, a ministry committed to helping ministry leaders navigate pastoral transitions with grace. As President, he seeks to bring healing a reconciliation to churches and their people.

When The Ground Shifts: Understanding The Magnitude Of Ministry Transitions

Growing up in Southern California had its constants – the eternally pleasant 75-degree weather, the ever-congested freeways, and the notoriously high cost of living that always seemed to outpace a pastoral salary. But it also had its unpredictability: the looming threat of earthquakes. We'd been repeatedly warned about "the big one," yet no one ever knew when it would strike.

In 1994, it did. The Northridge quake with its 6.7 magnitude hit us, and I was thrust into a maelstrom of chaos. As a high school senior, waking up at 4:31am, disoriented and terrified, I rushed out with my family into the hallway, trying to make sense of what just happened. The ground beneath our feet, something we took for granted, had betrayed us.

This unshakable feeling of apprehension, the dread of knowing disaster might strike but not knowing when, stayed with me. More so when I heard of others experiencing similar tremors in their own lives.

Then, years later, a friend introduced me to a psychological framework that encapsulated these feelings - the Johari Window. As we established Pastoral Transitions, these quadrants became a metaphorical compass, what we call a Clarity Compass, helping us navigate the unpredictable terrains of pastoral changes and understand them through the experiences of those who've been there.

The Johari Window - A Brief Introduction

Image from Ministry Transitions.

The Johari Window was developed in 1955 by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, hence the fusion name 'Johari'. As a psychological tool, it captures the relationship between self-awareness and interpersonal dynamics.

Its four quadrants represent what we and others know about us: things both known and unknown to ourselves and others. Originally designed to help individuals and groups understand their interpersonal communication and relationships, its application has been broadened over the decades. It offers a framework for introspection, feedback, and potential for growth, bridging gaps between personal perception and external reception.

It was this profound tool that we found invaluable as we tried to make sense of the complex, often blurred realm of pastoral transitions and terminations. It provided a way to compartmentalize, understand, and navigate the multifaceted experiences and stories we encountered.

Quadrant 1: Known to Self, Known to Others – Openness & Predictable Patterns

Image from Ministry Transitions.

In the realm of earthquakes, there's something reassuring about predictable patterns, like the known seismic zones where small tremors occur with regularity but without causing much upheaval. This quadrant of the Clarity Compass captures that sense of predictability and preparedness.

Here, transition isn't a looming quake waiting to disrupt; it's an open dialogue, a known variable, as predictable as the daily ebb and flow of the tide. Pastors and the board proactively engage in conversations about the future, establishing clear timelines and expectations. It could be a dialogue initiated from the pastor's first day on the job, an understanding set at the start of a pastoral journey. Alternatively, it might be a planned succession, discussed and decided upon years in advance.

There's an inherent sense of stability in this quadrant. Both parties move with the confidence that comes from clarity. They've mapped out the landscape and know where potential shifts may occur. It's a mutual journey, where both the pastor and the board walk side by side, preparing for the future and ensuring that when the time for transition arrives, it's as smooth as the predictable patterns they've come to trust. This kind of foresight and openness not only nurtures trust, but also ensures that when change comes, it's met with understanding and grace.

Quadrant 2: Known to Self, Unknown to Others – The Hidden Tremors

Image from Ministry Transitions.

In the metaphorical landscape of earthquakes, think of the hidden tremors which reside deep beneath the surface, unnoticeable and undetectable to the world above. The hidden quadrant of the Clarity Compass mirrors this exact sentiment, but with consequences that can be far more devastating when the pressure finally erupts.

This is a space that often harbors deep introspection, potential change, or concealed sin. It's where a pastor might quietly mull over thoughts of moving on, dreams unshared, and aspirations buried, without the board's awareness. More alarmingly, it could be where hidden sin finds a shadowy refuge. When revealed, it's like the sudden and unexpected quake, blindsiding not just the elder board, but also the congregation, perhaps even the pastor's family. The aftermath can be chaotic, the damage sometimes irreparable.

Yet, it's not always about sinister secrets. It could be as innocent as the waning passion for ministry, the weariness of burnout, or the simple longing for something different. If the statistic from Barna holds weight, that 42% of pastors are seriously contemplating leaving the ministry, then these hidden thoughts could be persistent companions, lingering questions such as "If I weren't doing this, what would I be doing?" echoing in the quiet corners of their minds.

The emotional burden of carrying these clandestine thoughts can be suffocating. It feels isolating, like being trapped under the weight of the Earth's crust, waiting for an escape. It emphasizes the necessity of creating environments where transparency is encouraged, where there's safety in vulnerability. Pastors need that inner circle of trusted friends, confidantes, and mentors.

James 5:16 reminds us, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." It's a call for openness, a gentle urging to prevent the isolation of hiddenness. This scripture doesn't just underscore the importance of confession, but also the healing power of communal prayer and support. When pastors find their 'safe' people, they're no longer at the mercy of the hidden tremors, but can navigate them with wisdom and grace.

Quadrant 3: Unknown to Self, Known to Others – The Blindspots and Aftershocks

Image from Ministry Transitions.

In the vast realm of earthquakes, aftershocks are those tremors that follow the main event. They may not be as powerful, but they carry the unsettling element of surprise, often reminding victims of the devastation of the initial quake. Similarly, there's a quadrant in the Clarity Compass where discussions and decisions revolve around the pastor, unbeknownst to them. It’s where the aftershocks of organizational decisions have the potential to rattle the unsuspecting soul.

In our work at Pastoral Transitions, the story we hear more often than not is the haunting refrain: "I was... blindsided."

It's a word that captures the disorientation and disbelief of the unexpected. Perhaps the pews have grown sparse, or the church bank account lean, triggering murmured concerns. It could be a mismatch of skills. A pastor, while an eloquent speaker, struggles to manage the intricate webs of organizational leadership. Sometimes, decisions made in haste - like a hurried hiring - fester into later regrets. The roots of these blindsides vary, but their impact often unearths deep-seated pain.

Unfortunately, there’s a trend we’ve observed: rather than addressing these issues head-on, seeking resolution or rehabilitation, many boards find it simpler to move on.

It's a silent exodus, where the looming concerns remain unvoiced until it's too late. In our approach, we advocate for introspection and open communication.

Before engaging in any transition process, we pose the question: Have all avenues been explored to avoid this outcome? This is crucial, as few steps can shield both pastors and congregations from the shocks of blindsiding.

No one should be left in the dark about concerns regarding their role or leadership. While there are many circumstances that necessitate letting someone go, the process must be infused with grace, empathy, and opportunities for growth. Restoration and intentional efforts at improvement should always precede final decisions. The wounds of blindsiding run deep, not just for the individual in question, but also for the community. The aftershocks of such decisions ripple through the congregation, sowing mistrust and uncertainty.

In our journey with pastors, we’ve learned that open dialogue, timely interventions, and an unwavering commitment to restoration can transform these shaky grounds into solid foundations. The goal isn't just to prevent an earthquake, but to build structures - both organizational and personal - that can withstand the tremors of change and challenge.

Quadrant 4: Unknown to Self, Unknown to Others – The Uncharted Fault Lines

Image from Ministry Transitions.

In the land of earthquakes, having an earthquake kit is more than just preparation; it's an act of prudence. Residents of seismically active regions understand that even though they might never have to use it, and cannot predict when they might need it, this kit serves as a beacon of hope and a plan for survival in unforeseen upheavals. The principle is no different in ministry.

The world beneath our feet, whether literal or metaphorical, is riddled with unknown fault lines, silently dormant, yet holding potential for seismic shifts. Similarly, there exists a quadrant in the Clarity Compass that captures the uncertainties of ministry; the unforeseen challenges and opportunities that lie in wait, concealed from both the pastor and the church community. Here, we tread on the grounds of the unknown - those elements of ministry that neither the pastor nor the church board is actively contemplating.

It’s an invitation to divine introspection, recognizing that while we might be blind to the future, we are grounded in the trust of a God who knows our every step.

This quadrant is devoid of whispers about transitions or terminations. Yet, it presents a golden opportunity for proactive planning and foresight.

Just as one would prepare an earthquake kit for physical survival, Pastoral Transitions believes churches should proactively equip themselves with a transition plan. We emphasize that ministry leaders should initiate discussions about their eventual exit from their first day on the job. This forward-thinking approach ensures that when the inevitable transitions occur, they're approached with grace, wisdom, and a clear path forward.

Our mission pivots on education, ensuring that churches and Christian organizations are well-informed about the intricacies of pastoral transitions. Our aim is to equip them with knowledge, forestalling the repetition of past mistakes.

Imagine a world where, on the day a church welcomes a new pastor, they not only express their joy for the present, but also their commitment to the future:

"As we usher you into this role with prayerful intention, know that should the ground beneath us shift, we pledge to face the future with the same spirit. When God's call beckons us in a new direction, rest assured we have our 'earthquake kit'—a well-thought-out transition plan to guide you into your next season."

This vision, where both hellos and goodbyes in ministry are cloaked in prayer, purpose, and intentional preparation, is our guiding star. We believe in a future where seismic changes in ministry are met with resilience, faith, and a plan in hand. This is the legacy we aspire to forge.

Navigating Transitions With Grace

In Southern California, residents are acutely aware of the unpredictability of earthquakes. The unsettling nature of these tremors serves as a poignant reminder that we must always be prepared for unforeseen challenges. It's why families have earthquake kits on standby, offering a semblance of control amidst nature's volatility.

Similarly, in ministry, transitions can strike with little to no warning. While the circumstances might vary, the feelings of disorientation and vulnerability are universal. Yet, it's in these very moments that the value of preparedness shines brightest.

At Pastoral Transitions, our mission is to act as that spiritual and professional 'earthquake kit'. Our purpose is not to instill fear but to encourage foresight. Through our experiences, we've come to understand that being prepared for possible upheavals in ministry is not a sign of trepidation but one of wisdom and strength.

Navigating through ministry's inevitable shifts requires both tenacity and a reliable support system. In times of change, we are committed to standing alongside our fellow leaders, offering guidance and stability. Over a span of six months post-transition, we pledge to be there, guiding in the areas of career, coaching, and counseling, ultimately ensuring the road to new beginnings is paved with clarity and purpose.

As we close, let's remember that the very essence of the church is unity. By approaching the challenges of transitions with preparedness and prayerful intentionality, we are not just safeguarding our ministries but fortifying the foundation of the church. If you ever discern a season of change on the horizon or find yourself amidst one, please, don't hesitate to reach out. Together, we can ensure that even in times of upheaval, the church stands resilient and united.

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Article previously appeared on Ministry Transitions.

Why Ministry Needs a Mental Health Strategy

In the modern Church, we’ve developed strategies for growth, stewardship, outreach, discipleship, and digital engagement. We train for theology and preaching, fundraising and leadership, conflict resolution and cross-cultural missions. But in all our planning, one critical area often remains overlooked: the mental health of ministry leaders and their communities.

It’s time we stop treating mental health as a side conversation and start naming it for what it is - a matter of spiritual, organizational, and missional integrity. If the Church is called to be a place of healing, then its leaders and members must not be silently unraveling under pressure. We need more than good intentions. We need a mental health strategy.

The Hidden Crisis Among Leaders

Ministry, by its nature, is deeply personal and highly demanding. Pastors, church staff, and nonprofit leaders carry invisible weight: the expectations of their congregations, the pain of their people, and the pressure to be both spiritual guide and administrative manager. In many churches, the pastor is expected to wear every hat - counselor, teacher, CEO, crisis responder, and friend.

The data is sobering:

• According to Barna Group research, 44% of pastors reported considering quitting full-time ministry in the past year.

• 75% of pastors report feeling extremely or highly stressed.

• Nearly 1 in 5 struggle with anxiety or depression, and many feel they cannot speak openly about it.

• Burnout, moral failure, and quiet resignations are on the rise, and congregations often don’t know how to respond when it happens.

The spiritual cost is immense. When leaders break, the ripple effects hit families, congregations, and entire communities. And too often, the fallout isn’t met with grace - it’s met with gossip, isolation, or silence.

The Limitations of Spiritualizing Everything

One of the unique challenges facing the Church is a tendency to over-spiritualize mental health. While prayer, Scripture, and community are vital, they are not substitutes for professional mental health care.

Too many leaders are told to “just rest more,” “pray harder,” or “trust God with the burden.” These are not untrue - but they are incomplete. When someone is drowning, we don’t offer a verse before a lifeline. We do both.

Mental health is not a sign of weak faith. It’s a sign that we are embodied souls, human beings who experience stress, trauma, fatigue, and chemical imbalances. The Church should be the first to recognize this - not the last.

Why Mental Health Deserves a Strategic Response

A strategy isn’t just about crisis response - it’s about proactive care. Churches need systems, culture shifts, and support structures that prioritize well-being before breakdowns happen.

Here’s what a mental health strategy can help the Church do:

1. Normalize the Conversation
When mental health is integrated into leadership training, sermons, and discipleship, it stops being taboo. Leaders need to hear - from the stage and behind the scenes - that it’s okay to not be okay.

2. Prevent Burnout Before It Happens
Prevention is always more effective than intervention. Sabbaticals, healthy work rhythms, shared leadership models, and access to confidential support go a long way toward protecting longevity in ministry.

3. Equip Leaders to Care Without Carrying Everything
Many pastors feel the crushing weight of being everyone’s emotional lifeline. A strategy helps leaders know when to refer out, how to set healthy boundaries, and how to build a care team that shares the load.

4. Provide Trauma-Informed Ministry
We are living in the wake of collective trauma - global pandemics, political division, and personal loss. Congregants are walking in the door with complex emotional needs. Are our churches equipped to care for them well?

5. Multiply, Not Divide, During Times of Transition
Mental and emotional health are often most strained during leadership changes. Churches that prioritize soul care and strategic support during transitions avoid division and model the love of Christ in action.

What a Mental Health Strategy Could Look Like

Creating a culture of care doesn’t happen overnight, and there’s no one-size-fits-all model. But here are a few starting points for churches and Christian organizations looking to integrate mental health into their ministry vision:

• Leadership Buy-In: Senior leaders must model vulnerability, prioritize health, and normalize counseling and coaching.

• Partnerships: Connect with Christian counselors, therapists, and organizations trained in trauma-informed care.

• Training for Staff and Volunteers: Equip people to recognize signs of burnout, depression, and crisis - and know what steps to take next.

• Sabbaticals and Soul Care Plans: Integrate rhythms of rest and renewal for staff at every level, not just senior leadership.

• Communication Practices: Create environments where honest conversations are safe, confidentiality is honored, and feedback is welcomed.

• Clear Crisis Response Protocols: Know what to do when a staff member or congregant is in crisis. Don’t wait until it happens to figure it out.

The Cost of Doing Nothing

Without a mental health strategy, we leave our leaders vulnerable and our congregations under-supported. Silence and shame thrive where there is no intentional care. And when we only respond to breakdowns - rather than investing in prevention - we end up with wounded shepherds and scattered flocks.

The Church has the resources. The gospel has the power. What we need is the courage and humility to acknowledge our gaps - and act.

We can’t afford to let another generation of pastors burn out under the banner of faithfulness. Faithfulness includes rest. Faithfulness includes wise counsel. Faithfulness includes boundaries. And faithfulness requires a community that doesn’t just say “we care” - but shows it.

It's Time to Look Again Church Health

The future of the Church depends not just on how we preach, but on how we care.

It depends on how we treat our pastors behind closed doors. On whether we prioritize our teams’ well-being as much as we do our Sunday experience. On whether our people feel safe bringing their full selves - mind, body, and spirit - into the house of God.

A healthy church isn’t one with flawless programs. It’s one where broken people can heal, including the ones leading from the stage.

Want to take a next step?

The Church Mental Health Summit is a free, one-day global event on October 10, offering tools, training, and inspiration to help churches develop their own strategy for mental wellness.

With over 50 speakers, practical sessions, and specialized ministry tracks, this is one of the most accessible ways to start building the culture of care your church needs.

Register now at churchmentalhealthsummit.com

Because your mental health isn’t a liability to ministry - it’s essential to it.

And you don’t have to lead alone.

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Article previously appeared on Ministry Transitions.

About the Author: Matt Davis

Matt Davis served as a Teaching and Executive Pastor for more than two decades in Orange County, California. After going through his own pastoral transition out of ministry, Matt learned the difficulty of this season. He helped start Ministry Transitions, a ministry committed to helping ministry leaders navigate transitions with grace. As President, he seeks to bring healing a reconciliation to churches and their people.

How I Recovered From Burnout

I had never been through anything quite as deep, or frankly, personally frightening as my burnout back in 2006.

Burnout moves fatigue and the darkness from a place where it was in your control to a place where you can simply no longer control either.

I’ve heard from more than a few of you who have let me know that you’re in the midst of burnout right now.

Gary summarized how many leaders feel when he wrote in this comment:

So I’m there now. If I were honest I would say my life and ministry are in shambles. Still going, but no one really knows except my wife, I am ready to quit.

Oh, man.

All I can say is I understand, and I’m pulling for you and praying for you.

I told part of my story in this post along with sharing 11 signs you might be burning out.

So how do you recover from burnout?

Let me share my journey. While everyone’s recovery will be different, there were 12 keys that, in retrospect, were essential to my recovery.

Not an Instant Cure

And as far as time goes, for me, there was no instant cure.

It took about 6 months for me to move from ‘crisis’ (20% of normal) to operational (maybe 60%)

It took another year to get from 60% to 80% of ‘normal’.

Finally, it took another three or four years to finally feel 100% again – like myself. Even a new self.

12 Keys To Getting Back from Burnout

Along the way, these 12 things helped me immensely. And while your story might be different, I offer them in the hope they might help you even in some small way:

1. Tell someone

This was hard. I think it is for most leaders, especially guys. My guess is you will resist because of pride. But pride is probably what made you burn out.

Don’t miss this: Only humility will get you out of what pride got you into. Swallow your pride and tell someone safe that you have a problem. It’s tough, but it’s the first step toward wellness. When you admit it to others, you also finally end up admitting it to yourself.

2. Get help

You can’t do this alone. Really, you can’t. I went to a trained counselor and had a circle of friends who walked the walk with me. You need to talk to your doctor and to a trained Christian counselor. And you need others. I had people pray over me.

My wife, Toni, was an incredible and exceptional rock. I’m not sure I would have made it without them. I’m a guy and I prefer to work through my own problems.

This one was so much bigger than me. But not bigger than God or the community of love and support he provides. So get help.

3. Lean into your friends

Yes, this could have been included in Point 2 but then you would have missed it. Friends. You need them. Guys – a word here. We tend not to have a lot of friends and we tend not to open up. Mistake.

Lean into your friendships. Friends came to the house and prayed for me. They called me. One day a friend called and simply said “I know you can’t feel it today, but the sun will rise again. It will.”

I can’t tell you how much those words meant to me that day. Your friends care about you. Lean into them.

4. Keep leaning into God

Just because he seems silent doesn’t mean he’s absent. I did not feel God for months. Not when I prayed or read the bible or worshipped. But I didn’t give myself permission to quit.

In these pivotal moments, you will either lean away from God or into him. Lean in, hard. Even if you feel nothing. I did, and eventually, the feelings of intimacy returned.

Just because you can’t feel God’s love doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Your emotions will eventually catch up to your obedience.

5. Rest

I was so physically and emotionally tired when I burnt out. I slept for about 10 hours a day for a month straight, adding naps to my daily diet on top of that. I think sleep is like money; deficits become debt. And debt needs to be paid off. I paid off my sleep debt that month and I always try now to make sure I am not running a deficit.

If I do for a week or two, I pay it off with more sleep. You were designed to rest and to rest in God. While I personally didn’t take a sabbatical or medical leave (our board offered me one), some may need to. I was too scared I’d never come back.

So I took three weeks of vacation and came back slowly.

6. Find something else to take your attention away from your pain

The problem with pain (or at least my pain) is when you do nothing you only have your pain to focus on. Distraction is a powerful tool to get your mind thinking about other things. Watch a movie. Go out for dinner. Go for a hike. Go to a party. Go to a concert. It’s not easy.

At my worst, I would go to social settings and not want to talk to anyone, sometimes even ‘hiding’ from people behind my wife who is a foot shorter than me and 100 lbs lighter. But at least I went. One night, we hosted a dinner party and I left the table early and ended up crying in my bedroom for the rest of the night. But at least we threw the party.

It got my mind off the constant cycle of depression.

7. Do what you can

Again, you may need a long sabbatical. But I took three weeks off and went back to work. On my first week back in the office, it took me longer to write a three-line email than it took me to write this entire blog post, but I focused on doing what I could. The first weekend I preached, those who knew the shape I was in all told me “We would have had no idea you were feeling so bad. You were amazing.”

I knew how I felt inside, but it was good to know I could still be helpful to others in some way. I think for me it was important to discover what I could still do.

8. Don’t do anything drastic or stupid

Underline this. Because my illness involved my mind, I was tempted to do all kinds of things that could have ruined my life. I felt like abandoning my calling, running away from everyone I knew and everything I knew, even my wife and kids. In my worst moments, thoughts of ending it all crossed my mind.

I am so thankful I didn’t succumb to any of those impulses. Some days I just said to myself “don’t do anything stupid today.” And if I didn’t, that was progress. I’m so thankful I didn’t do anything rash or irresponsible.

Some days just avoiding stupid is a win.

9. Trust again

One of the contributing factors to my crash was a few relationships (not my family) in which trust was broken. As hurt as I felt and as cynical as I was at points, I made a conscious decision to trust again.

And the wonderful thing is: So many people are trustworthy. And God always is. Trusting again after your trust has been breached keeps your heart fresh and alive and – ultimately – hopeful again.

10. Closely monitor margin

I used to pride myself on being able to go at whatever I was doing longer and harder than anyone else. Pride’s not a good thing. I now closely monitor how I’m feeling, my rest, and my balance between time with people and time alone.

I’m hyper-focused on it. Because I can’t afford not to be. I build margin into my schedule because the edge of the next cliff is right around the corner without it.

11. Watch for the warning signs

I watch these 11 signs of burnout diligently. There was a time after my recovery that I saw over half the warning signs creep back in. I told our elders immediately. I was two days into what I thought was a ‘mini burnout’, but I sounded the alarm bells.

In the end, it turned out to be my frustration over a leadership issue that was producing the symptoms. As soon as I cracked the leadership issue, the symptoms disappeared almost overnight. But that kind of monitoring is, for me, central to staying healthy.

12. Take full responsibility for the health of your soul

Nobody else is responsible for your health. You are.  Pray, read your bible, seek life-giving friendships, replenish your energy, eat right, work out, and love deeply. These things nourish your soul. If you don’t do them, nobody will.

Okay, I promised 12. But here’s a bonus tip. This one’s huge and you’ll be tempted to skip it.

There’s hope

It took me almost 5 years to feel like ‘myself’ again (a new self for that matter). It was a long road back for me personally and I had to keep believing that God wasn’t done with me. Over a decade later, I’m so thankful. Our church has never been healthier, larger, or more effective. I am enjoying what I’m doing more than ever.

And the opportunities before me have never been greater. How much of that could I see or imagine during my burnout? Exactly 0%. But I had to not give up despite that. In those moments and days when I still don’t feel good, I cling to the hope that the sun will rise again. And it does.

So that’s my story.

I’m praying for you today and I hope that in some small way this helps those of you who are defeated, discouraged, or believe it’s over.

It’s not. Our God still lives. And He loves you.

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Article previously appeared on Carey Nieuwhof.

About the Author: Carey Nieuwhof

Carey Nieuwhof is a best-selling leadership author, speaker, podcaster, former attorney, and church planter. He hosts one of today’s most influential leadership podcasts, and his online content is accessed by leaders over 1.5 million times a month. He speaks to leaders around the world about leadership, change, and personal growth.

Burnout in Your Church: Recognize the Signs

As someone who has been burned out, I know it’s not a question of if your staff is experiencing burnout, but how many of them are already burnt out.

Most people have no clue. I know I didn’t. It’s not that we are clueless. We think we don’t have time to look closely and deal with it, so we ignore warning signs, writing them off as stress. The past few years haven’t been easy. Most leaders were burned in one way or another and some walked into COVID already burnt. So how do we recognize it? And more importantly, how do we help?

Warning Signs

Looking back to my own burnout, here are the warning signs I should have taken note of:

Being overly emotional. This includes a rollercoaster of emotions. I lost patience with everyone around me. My husband was walking on eggshells because he never knew what would set me off. I sobbed with no idea why I was crying, and once I even kicked a hole in our wall—not my proudest moment …

Forgetfulness or difficulty concentrating. This may be increasingly hard to distinguish from COVID-brain, but it was a whole other level when I was burnt out. I would honestly forget entire conversations, arguing they had never even happened.

Losing joy in things you previously loved. This was especially true if I had to go anywhere, talk to anyone, or expend any energy. I didn’t even want to see my friends—it just took too much effort.

Trying to escape into vices—sinful or not. I became addicted to Super Big Gulps, donuts and reading mystery novels. The biggest red flag was when I started ignoring my husband, kids, friends even when I was in the same room with them, in favor of my books.

Exhaustion all the time. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. I just wanted to sleep yet, ironically, I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep because my mind was always going.

I would bet you can identify with at least a few symptoms in that list. If you are wrestling with burnout, first off: reach out to your family, supervisor or community, or all three, and communicate what you’re feeling the best you can. You can’t do this alone. If that list of warning signs is foreign to you, read it again and then look around. There is bound to be at least one person in your life who is veering dangerously close to the edge and could use a lifeline.

Breaking Point

As I became more and more burnt out, I finally met my breaking point. I came to a point where I just didn’t care anymore. A pastor friend had once warned about a point where the crazy becomes normal. I had reached it. Unchecked stress had turned into burnout and then depression.

I’m sure someone on your staff is close to this point. So let’s take a moment and talk about why burnout is so rampant right now. Living through a worldwide pandemic is definitely a likely contributor, but here are a few specific but common reasons:

1. Homelife. Everyone is experiencing stress over health and many have serious financial concerns.

2. Job changes. Employees are adapting to new responsibilities, roles, or methods–sometimes creating them. Meanwhile, their work conditions are ever-changing.

3. The World. The Christian mission is to love. In a hurting world those wanting to help their family, congregation and community often push self-care to the wayside.

So there I was. In a word: Done. I scraped together all the vacation I had. There was a lot since I rarely took a real vacation, talked to my team and checked out for almost three weeks. It took time for my mind to stop racing but once it did, this is what I learned:

1. Technology was destroying my boundaries

During those three weeks, I completely shut down my email and social media. I didn’t even answer my phone, except for a few select individuals.

Think About It: The dedicated workplace has changed and, for some, it has been lost altogether. With the upswing of remote employees, there’s pressure for all employees to keep up: work at the office, work at home, work in the car, work on vacation. There is no work-free zone anymore. Today’s technology also means employees check their phone-emails-social media approximately two bazillion times a day. Basically, no one ever turns their brain off.

Prevent It: Set specific working hours and stick to them. Turn off your notifications when you get home or specify a device-free zone or time. Create places your brain can turn off.

2. I was not taking a Sabbath

I used my Sabbath to do errands, clean the house, get caught up on emails, go grocery shopping, or plan an outing with my family—and if you have young children you know that’s no vacation. I told myself I was splitting my Sabbath between Saturday, Sunday, and a few hours here and there I deemed as Sabbath time, but the brain takes time to relax. When I left for those three weeks, it took three whole days for my brain to slow down!

Think About It: In ministry, Sunday doesn’t really constitute a Sabbath since it is generally a working day. Saturday events can make the whole weekend an extension of the workweek. Even when taking a vacation the brain takes some time to unplug fully and it definitely ramps back up before stepping back into the office. Factor in travel to and from a destination and your seven-day annual vacation turns into 1-2 days of real rest, per year.

Prevent It: God calls us to rest; Jesus models it. Make sure you take one full day a week to just rest. Truly rest. Cash in vacation time regularly and do something you actually find relaxing.

3. There is only one God, and I am not Him

I knew it. I quoted it. I taught it. I said I lived it, but I didn’t model it. I thought if I wasn’t there, people would fall through the cracks and things wouldn’t get done. I thought, The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few meant those of us working needed to put in some overtime!

Think About It: I read a quote by Brady Boyd that said We’re invited to work hard and retreat frequently, and trust that whatever falls through the cracks while we’re retreating will get tackled during our next working hard time. The universe really will keep spinning. I had to get real with myself about why I thought I was so important that I could not ever be unavailable or take time off.

Prevent It: Keep the focus on God. He is God and I am not. His plans will get done with or without me. I just need to follow his lead. Create automations and fail-safes in your ministry so you can unplug with confidence, but ultimately this is an oxygen mask situation. Your well-being is more important than your ministry.

I hope my revelations have helped you think of ways to guard against burnout in your own life. They seem simple, but simple changes have created powerful shifts in my own life. And stay tuned for part three where I outline my top tips to guard against burnout for your employees and volunteers.

Employer Issues

Burnout is rampant and, especially during a worldwide pandemic, it has become an issue almost everyone can relate to. As an employer, the issue is compounded as you try to care for your own mental health as well as the wellbeing of those under your care. Here are my top eight tips to ward off burnout before it happens to your employees—pro tip: they also apply to you!

1. Set Working Hours. Encourage employees to set specific working hours which apply to working in the office and remotely at home and respect them, i.e., don’t send that non-urgent message while you know the preacher is having family dinner. Suggest a device-free zone at home or at least turning off notifications while they’re spending time with their family. It takes 20 minutes for the brain to refocus after an interruption and that constant ding of the staff group text definitely qualifies as an interruption. Create daily opportunities for the brain to not be on.

2. Establish time off. Make sure each of your employees has a true day off. Be generous with vacation days–this includes Sundays! Make sure they know it’s ok and even healthy to turn off all notifications and even their devices during downtime. Support them in building successful systems and teams that allow them to unplug without feeling guilty or like their ministry will come to a crashing halt without them.

3. Allow for Flexible Scheduling. Let employees set a schedule that works with their lifestyle. Employees with kids need different hours than those with an empty nest. Of course, the office phone needs to be answered and the front desk manned, but make sure your staff can reasonably flex time in the office as needed.

4. Create Clarity. Communicate and over-communicate. A lack of communication is just as frustrating as poor communication. Learn your staff member’s communication style and use it as often as possible. Be consistent and follow through building trust so your employees know you say what you mean. Be known as a good listener, too. In communication, listening is just as important as talking.

5. Give Accountability and Recognition. Schedule regular one-on-one meetings with direct reports. Help employees create goals that will help them grow and celebrate when they achieve them. Make sure your employees know you’re on their side and want them to succeed both professionally and personally.

6. Equip Your Staff. You don’t need the latest and greatest all the time, but make sure your staff has what they need to get their job done. Archaic technology, tattered equipment, and insufficient supplies just slow down the process of getting work done leaving your staff frustrated and their time and skills underutilized. Ask what your employee needs to optimize their job and provide as much support as you can.

7. Create a Positive Environment. Make your workplace fun. This will look different in every organization: bring donuts to the morning staff meeting, celebrate birthdays and milestones with a party, take the staff on a team-building paintball excursion. You know what your staff likes and how they best connect with each other. Remember, the church is a family. Your staff should feel like family.

8. Focus on God. He is God and you are not. Remind your employees their ministry is important, but their well-being is more so. Ask them about their walk with God and make sure they are growing spiritually. Refocus your entire team on the mission and, most importantly, who actually carries it out.

Burnout is a complex issue. It takes time to get burned out and just as much time to correct and change the habits that created the mess in the first place, but it’s a necessary battle we want to help you wage.

The best place to start preventing burnout is at the beginning. If you haven’t taken a close look at your organization as a whole lately, we encourage you to get an HR Audit. The easiest causes of burnout to miss are the ones you’ve become accustomed to. An HR Audit shines a light on the everyday issues your organization faces and can reveal noncompliance, unhealthy practices and toxic culture helping your ministry fulfill its mission unencumbered.

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Article previously appeared on XPastor, February 18th, 2022.

About the Author: Tiffany Henning

Tiffany Henning founded HR Ministry Solutions. She has subsequently founded "Somethings Gotta Change."